Question from an Unknown Person.

Dear Mrs T,

I have been reading your site for ages and now I want to make a proper comment but I'm afraid of your biting wit. I am also afraid that if I mention I am an extraordinarily good cook you will make some scathing remarks.

Yours admiringly,

The Unknown One


Dear Unknown One,

Well Mrs T always welcomes comments upon her site and tries to answer them as best possible even if some people feel the need to brag about their culinary skills.

Mrs T has a very kind and gentle nature and would be pleased to hear from any new commentator. She actively encourages participation in order to distract her from the monotony of housework, over indulging in chocolate and watching repeats of Starksy and Hutch.

Take courage and drop me a line soon! My bark is worse than my bite! (That's because my dentures need replacing but please don't let on.)

Yours,

Mrs T

Questions From School Mum

Dear Mrs T,

Heeeeelp! I try to get up every morning and get the kids to school on time but, recently, we have been getting later and later (and still getting away with it). The problem is that I don't like having to rush. What would you advise?

Also, sometimes, I get invited round to other people's houses. They are always tidier/emptier/cleaner than mine. Should I be worried?

Yours desperately seeking help,

School Mum.


Dear School Mum,

Apologies for the extended lunch break - it was a very large packet of Jaffa cakes.

Firstly, please do not worry about rushing to school; why dispense with your children's teeth cleaning session in order to win a sticker for promptness for your child's merit card? In fact the only way to judge your child's educational progress is to make sure they arrive late, forget their PE kit, homework, book bag, dinner money, have the wrong shoes on and spray WD 40 down their throat so they can't sing. Then if they still get a sticker you will know that they can at least say the alphabet.

It is only necessary to rush to school if you have irritable bowel syndrome - in which case I advise rushing on the return journey as well.

Now on to your second question - No, you should not be worried about psychotic people with a penchant for blatant tea towel abuse. These people need therapy as they have a serious addiction problem. To relieve the stress of your child smudging his dirty fingers on your friend's patio doors invite her to your house instead. Hand her a tea towel, duster and some rubber gloves and let her get on with it while you read Cosmo and sip hot chocolate.

Hope that helps,

Mrs T

A Question From Computer Geek

Dear Mrs. T,

I am a closet geek [:(] and cannot bear to see something new-fangled on somebody's page on the NET and not have it. How did you get those little buttons on the top of your pink page with titles such as About, Mrs.T etc?

Desperate closet geek.

Dear Computer Geek,

Follow the attached link and it will take you to an explaintory page. It's written in broken English so you will need to read it about 3 times until suddenly it all clicks into place.

http://css-lybrary.blogspot.com/2007/12/horizontal-tab-menu-j.html

Once you have copied these scripts and added them to your html/add a gadget pages as directed tabs will appear as set out on the demo page - you will then have to delete the specifics on the scripts and insert your own page titles and web addresses. Note # means the same as "Current Page" So, as long as you leave # there then only your home page will show. Delete # and insert your page ie http://www.yourdetails. Delete the demo page titles ie "Support" and insert your own ie Dear Mrs T.

You can also change the colour of the tabs by going to the html script you have inserted and inserting new colour codes which you can find on the fonts and colours section of Blogger.

Good luck! If you have any queries I'll be happy to talk you through it in more detail.

Yours as ever,

Mrs T.

A question From Miss Jacqueline Hyde

Dear Mrs T

Can you outline a route to Leighton Buzzard station which doesn't involve sitting in roadworks for three days?

Also can you explain why people block side roads that you need to turn into, staring fixedly ahead while they hold up traffic in two directions?

And thirdly - why do people on busy trains insist on taking the seat next to the aisle, thus requiring one to have to struggle past them and their bags/laptop/huge coat to the window seat? Why don't they just sit by the window first?

Jacqueline Hyde

Mrs T says;

Dear Miss Hyde,

1. I have studied the geography of Leighton Buzzard and regrettably until the local council have had corrective brain surgery it is unlikely that any improvement in road layout and congestion will take place in the near future. I suggest you buy some rollerblades and wing it to the station that way. Not only is this environmentally friendly but it will keep you fit. (NB; you may have to attach the kids on a rope.)

2. This is tricky - I have long believed that these people are in fact aliens masquerading as humans who have not passed their driving test. However, that was until one day I noticed a local councillor behind his car wheel staring fixedly ahead.......

3.The majority of these offenders are the spouses of local councillors although some have an acute B.O problem and wish to be alone ( for obvious reasons.) To counteract this annoying and selfish habit you must cause them much annoyance as possible. Remember to visit the buffet, the loo, the luggage compartment and to balance your coffee precariously whilst aiming it in the general direction of their groin.

A sample question

Now for example, if you are a man with a dress problem and dress like this;

You may wish to ask me a question like this;

Dear Mrs T,

Ever since I was a child I have had a yearning for sequins and leotards and now it has taken over my life. Please help me - last week I went to the office dressed as Michael Jackson and my boss asked where my monkey was. I don't know who can I turn to, you are my only help......

Got the gist? Right leave your question either as a comment or email me via my homepage.